I may not be perfect, but I'm right!
Most of the time I feel like I do belong nowhere. No one knows what is wrong with me, but everybody knows that I am the biggest mistake in this planet. I can learn everything about humanity and social interactions, because I have brains, can make connections and notice things very well, but all of it will never be a part of me. And even when I am with most wonderful people I don’t feel one of them despite the fact that they are obviously showing how much they like me.
And I still don't think that I'm the one who is wrong and needs to be healed, fixed or whatsoever. Most of the time I love being autistic. I have amazing minds and I'm able to separate my emotions from the rest of my minds. I know why I'm doing one or another thing and never ever did something just because everyone did that or just because that's the way You should do something. And one of the most wonderful things about being autistic is the fact that if I like something or someone I like it unstoppable (and that means really a LOT). I can spend hours and hours speaking or thinking about the same object and it never gets boring. Actually, the effect is opposite. More I think or talk about something, more I like it. I can watch my favourite films hundreds of times and after every time I like them more and more. When I speak about my obsessions, the rest of the world simply does not exist. So, yeah, even if to have autism means that other people will never get me completely and I will always be stuck in my doubts what is more important: to be the way I am or to fight for a good cause. I would never choose not to have it. Because even after hours of crying and giving up on humanity, there is something I always can rely on. The possibility to like something the way I do.
My problem is not me, my problem is the world that can't stand the fact that not everyone is the same and not everyone has to fit into fucking patterns someone created to control the society.
When someone asks me what does it feel to have autism, I simply can not answer. Can You answer what does it feel to be neurotypical or to have brown eyes? Is there a special feeling of being something? Is there a special feeling for having nails? You just do have them or don't. The same goes to autism.
So, thank You for reading and hopefully You will think about after.
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